1. Nothing compares to the gloriousness of new clothes. Mornings are so much easier with clean-non-wrinkled-never-before-worn-clothes. It cuts the morning routine down by at least 15 minutes. Enjoy this period because before long you will be involved in a hectic, behind-the-dryer matching sock search at 6:00am.
2. You will begin the year packing lunches as if you were a mix of Julia Child and Martha Stewart on crack. Bento boxes? No problem. Organic, GMO free, well rounded meals that were planned a week in advance? Check. A thoughtful, illustrated note encouraging your kid to have a great day. Done. But, slowly throughout the year you will experience a steady decline in your lunch packing skills. Bento boxes turn into whatever is leftover from takeout boxes the night before and meals start to become as well rounded as a square.
3. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re from. At some point in the year you will be caught angrily venting at someone’s lack of speed and efficiency in the school drop off line. “Don’t worry Jane, we’ll just wait at the back of the line and miss the first bell because you HAD to talk to Wanda about that new hot yoga class you are taking.”
4. You will be accosted by the PTA. Look, I get it. Raising money for the school is important. School spirit is important. Special events to promote community within the school is important. Having this shoved in my face at 7:32am? Not interested.
5. Waking up kids for school after a summer of a relaxed schedule sucks. Big time. As much as you prepare and no matter how many new school years you have under your belt, it doesn’t get easier. Whoever makes such a fuss about waking a hibernating bear clearly doesn’t have to wake up children used to a summer sleep schedule.
6. Socializing with other class parents is and always will be super awkward.
Person A: Oh here’s an idea, let’s put a group of adults who don’t know each other in a room and have them socialize.
Person B: Do they want to be there?
Person A: Nope.
Person B: Do they have anything in common?
Person A: They had kids the same year.
Person B: Will you be serving drinks?
Person A: Absolutely not.
Person B: ….uhhhh…
7. For some reason the principal is still kind of intimidating even when you are an adult.
8. Behind the dark sunglasses, overly cheerful goodbyes and Venti Starbucks cups stands another mom who is stoked to have her kids be someone else’s responsibility for 8 hours a day.