1) You no longer recognize your own boobs.
2) Having bodily fluids wiped/drooled/smeared/sneezed/dripped on you no longer phases you one bit.
3) Army crawling out of the nursery is a daily occurrence.
4) You’re so used to measuring monthly birthdays that the last time someone asked your age you answered 382 months.
5) Your living room is no longer a room but instead is an obstacle course of brightly colored toys, jumpers and swings.
6) Clipping tiny nails is as stressful and intense as trying to diffuse a bomb.
7) You only have two modes: sleeping and highly caffeinated.
8) When you walk in to a room your eyes immediately scan it and hone in on any small objects.
9) Lifting the car seat in and out of the car has given you an olympic bodybuilding level of upper body strength.
10) Coffee, concealer and dry shampoo rank higher on your basic needs list than food, water and shelter.
11) Leaving the house requires as much packing as a 2 week trip abroad.
12) Nothing thrills you quite like nap time.
13) You get WAY too excited to use the NoseFrida.
14) You own more bottles than a bar.
15) You can do anything one handed.
16) You’re so used to doing the “sniff test” that smell has become your strongest sense.
17) You have multiple different categories of black stretch pants. Some for staying home, others for working out and a few fancy “running errands” pairs.
18) No matter what you are up at least 5 times a night just to make sure the baby is breathing.
19) You’ve heard so much screaming and seen so many gross things that a haunted house wouldn’t even make you flinch.
20) You don’t make use of anything quite as well as the very last baby wipe.