I am one of those people who love taking baths. A place where you can get clean, read a magazine and have a glass of wine?! I’m a mom…it’s all about multitasking. Which may be why I continually make the mistake of inviting my daughter into the bath with me. Two birds, one stone. Genius idea, right? Wrong.
1) Letting a little kid “help” you rinse your hair is its own special kind of torture. Unless you want to know what it feels like to be waterboarded, don’t do it.
2) Overcrowding is a real issue. Bathtubs are built for one. Not one adult, a small child, four sailboats, nine Disney Princess dolls, three squirting toys and a family of floating frogs.
3) It is full blown Bubble-palooza. Have you ever seen pictures from those foam parties where people are dancing around surrounded by bubbles having the time of their lives? Well, it’s nothing like that. It’s more like a lot of increasingly angry “Ok, that’s enough”s as you watch your expensive, soothing (ironic, huh?) bath bubbles literally get washed down the drain.
4) Loofa + young child = disaster. Apparently, “gentle” is not a universally understood term.
5) Kids are gross. It’s one thing to wash your kids when they are in the bathtub alone. It is a completely different story when you are soaking up close and personal with their filth. By the amount of dirt and grime on my daughter’s body at bathtime you’d think I sent her to run naked through a swamp all day.
6) Little kids don’t fully understand the concept that a bathtub is NOT a toilet. If you have to ask yourself if the water just suddenly got warmer, you don’t want to know the answer.
7) Remember how the military had a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy? Well I have a “Don’t Look, Don’t Think” policy about my naked body. Unfortunately, children’s honesty turns them into mirrors with megaphones, loudly pointing out every squishy, cellulite covered stretchmarked inch of my body. Yikes.