There have been countless times since becoming a mother that I have wished that I could get a break. I have fantasized about having a day to myself where I don’t have to get the kids ready or cook dinner or clean the house. I have dreamed of a day where I can just stay in my pajamas and read magazines and watch trashy tv. Then that day came. What should have been a dream come true instead became a nightmarish reality. BED REST. Doctored ordered pregnancy bedrest, to be exact. Like so many other things in life, one quickly learns that the idea of being forced to lay in bed all day with no responsibilities is way better than the reality of it. As a life long lazy girl, I can barely believe that thought even came out of my mind, but believe me, once you’re part of the Bed Rest club, you’ll understand.
You Know You’re on Bed Rest When…
Due to lack of salon visits, heat styling and mirror access, your hair looks like Medusa got stuck in a tornado.
You feel that a human’s basic needs are food, water, shelter, On Demand.
You no longer remember what it feels like to wear shoes.
You totally get Tom Hanks’ obsession with Wilson.
Your available credit has taken a major hit due to hours of uninterrupted online shopping.
You look forward to your weekly doctor’s visits like they are an all expense paid trip to Bali.
Your version of a leisurely afternoon stroll is a walk to the bathroom.
For the first time in your life you actually want to exercise.
Formerly boring tasks, like folding laundry are now the highlight of your day.
You become convinced that Steven King’s Misery was inspired by a pregnant woman on bed rest.
Your touch screen on your phone is damaged from excessive texting/gaming/googling.
You have a stalker level knowledge of all celebrity gossip.
You are jealous that the women on Orange is the New Black have so much “freedom”.
The idea of sleeping in a bed without crumbs cracks you up.
And to all the women out there who are surviving/ have survived best rest, here is a virtual high five. From a supine position in bed, of course.