Adjusting to pregnancy is what I imagine it would be like adjusting to life in prison. While I have no experience with the prison system whatsoever, after watching two seasons of Orange Is The New Black I feel pretty confident in my knowledge of prison life.
Life as you know it has completely changed.
Your OB is your Warden for the next 9 months: You know that awesome part of being an adult where you get to make your own decisions and choices about your life? Be prepared to give that up when you become pregnant. Sure, you can still make the day-to-day-decisions, but in reality you are ruled by your OB. Your OB will become the person who is responsible for all of your pregnancy decisions, you will learn to blindly obey and follow all orders told to you by your OB. She says “Pee!”, you say “Which Cup?”.
You are someone’s bitch:
You are no longer in control of your everyday life. Simply put, you are your soon-to-be-baby’s bitch. Changing body, insomnia, need to ingest every edible item in sight…you are at the total mercy of the wants and needs little guy/gal that’s cookin’ in your belly. Why else do you think you found yourself standing in front of the fridge at 2:00am eating a bag of shredded cheese?
You Are Forced To Give Up All Of Your Vices: Cold Turkey. Coffee, booze, raw fish, tanning. BUH BYE! All those go-to comforts of pre- pregnancy are strictly prohibited.
Everyone is trying to give you tips on how to survive: You have your repeat offenders, who have numerous children that force their “expertise” on you. You’ve got your newbies that have read all the books/blogs/articles and are eager to share all of the info they have acquired. You have your well meaning family members who love to reminisce about how pregnancy and parenting used to be. You have to be careful who you trust and pick and choose whose advice you follow.
You have a “Uniform”: Though you may not be restricted to an orange jumpsuit and white tennis shoes, your pregnancy wardrobe goes through significant changes. The more pregnant you get, the more your restricted your clothing options get. The word variety and wardrobe are two words you’d never put in the same sentence. By the third trimester you’ll have developed a love affair with your new “uniform” of stretch waistbands and any shirt that doesn’t make you look like the newest Sea World exhibit.
On the Defensive: In jail you have to worry about someone stashing drugs in your bunk or getting beat up at showertime. You always have to watch you back. Pregnancy is no different, your defensive radar is on full blast, everything is a threat you must avoid to protect your unborn child. Your pregnancy defense radar hones in on every threat in a 50 yard radius, from cigarette smokers to handsy old ladies who want to grope your bump.
No need to worry, with good behavior you’ll be out in 9 months.