I have been known to spend a little more time than I’d like to admit watching cheesy holiday movies. Let’s be honest, my DVR is almost full with all of the latest and greatest from Lifetime, ABC Family and Hallmark. Undoubtedly, at some point in every one of these films the characters get together, sing carols, drink hot cocoa all while warming their hands by the fire. Every year I watch these movies and momentarily get tricked into thinking the holiday season is this magical, festive, stress free holiday. WRONG. I quickly come to my senses and realize Christmas is obviously awesome, but it surely does have it’s
shitty not so fun aspects.
Decorating The Tree With Your Kids: Everyone wants a Christmas Tree so beautiful that it rivals Rockefeller Center’s. Perfect ornaments, perfectly spaced branches and an abundance of twinkling lights. Guess what? I can guarantee with 100% certainty that children had no part in decorating that tree. When kid’s decorate a tree, they tend to take the “cluster chic” approach, placing 90% of ornaments in a 1′ x 1′ area. Of course they want to help string the lights, which would be fine if you are decorating a tree that is 4 feet tall. After tree trimming with kids you are left with a tree that looks like it was decorated by a blindfolded drunk person with an affinity for Disney ornaments.
Commercials: It’s no secret that toy companies spend big money to have their commercials aired during prime viewing time. It wasn’t until I had a kid that I realized these clever advertisers are brainwashing our youth to want EVERY. SINGLE. TOY. EVER. MADE. I literally could not get through a show with my daughter without being asked “Can I have that too?” every 30 seconds. The new rule in my house is only prerecorded shows(with fast forwarding capability) are allowed in my home.
Teacher Gifts: What happened to the days of giving an apple to the teacher? These day teacher gifts are just another outlet for competitive moms to shine. I will undoubtedly forget until the last minute and once again present my kids’ teacher with a Starbucks gift card purchased the last day before Christmas break while I’m getting my morning coffee. I will then hang my head in shame and hide my gift card on the gift table between an ipad mini and a homemade scrapbook titled “Ways you’ve enriched our child’s life”.
Glitter: Oh god, the glitter. Yes it is sparkly and festive and fun. And yes, your home will look like a stripper’s makeup bag for the next 8 months.
Christmas Dinner: Whoever came up with the idea of an elaborate Christmas Dinner was obviously not a mom. Think about it… you’ve worked all month planning/shopping/baking/wrapping and then once the Big Day finally arrives everyone excitedly opens presents and then spends the rest of the day relaxing and playing with everything that “Santa” got them. Everyone, that is, except for mom. Mom gets to celebrate by heading into the kitchen and preparing an exquisite Christmas Feast. Fair? I think not.
Wrapping Presents: Our society has the technology and intelligence to fly into space and clone human beings, but we can’t seem to figure out how to package gifts in easily wrappable shapes?!? Please Fischer Price,can you please explain to me why the hell an octagon shaped box is necessary in any situation?!
What part of the holiday season drives you crazy?