Ahhh, the Holiday Season. A time for beautiful, perfect flawless memories….
HAHA! As if! REALITY CHECK: in most moms world’s the “perfect” holiday experience is as illusive as Bigfoot. Moms know that no matter how much prepping/planning/bribing/threatening is involved this holiday season, some party will be cut short, dinner will be ruined, tantrum will be had. Something will always come up to burst your “Hallmark Moment Holiday” bubble. But, honestly where’s the fun in that. My holiday season is almost always filled with stressful, messy, dramatic, embarrassing memories.
This year I’ve decided to stop aiming for “perfect” memories. Hell, who am I kidding, I’m just going to aim for no memories involving blood, screaming or tears. I’ve decided to embrace the chaotic/embarrassing/far from perfect holiday memories. Sure, it would be nice to have a holiday memory that involved well behaved children, perfect dinners and a dress that fits perfectly even after weeks of indulging in eggnog and cookies, in theory. In my opinion it’s those fantastically flawed memories that really stick with you. When you’re old and grey and thinking back on Christmas’ past, which memories are going to make you laugh so hard you pee in your Depends?
It’s the hours spent wrapping present, cursing and muttering to yourself about the “stupid fu**ing toy manufactures” who refuse to put their toys in easy to wrap square and rectangle boxes.
It’s the time that you had a house full of guests over for a holiday dinner but couldn’t eat until 9:30pm because you didn’t leave enough time for the turkey to defrost.
It’s the time that you spilled a full glass of red wine all over your in laws expensive white table cloth and spent the whole day mortified and avoiding eye contact with everyone.
It’s the time you used your hands as a catcher’s mitt to try to save your relatives sofa from your daughter’s vomit. And the week after that when you swore your hands still smelled like puke even after washing them 45,682,098 times.
It’s the plane ride when your kid refused to stop screaming,kicking and singing about “mommy farting”, so wore your sunglasses the entire 5 hour flight in order to avoid the “oh god your child is a beast” glances from other passengers.
It’s the way your eyes burned after staying up until the wee hours of the morning to make sure no one outbid you on the “must have” toy that was sold out in every store.
It’s the time you forgot that you had one too many at your husband’s work Christmas party and thought it would be a cute idea to sing a sloppy rendition of “Santa Baby”.
It’s the year your burned 3 batches of homemade cookies for the holiday bake sale and then said “screw it” and stuck a bow on store bought cookies.
It’s the day when your husband saw the Pinterest Inspired Christmas decorations you spent hours working on and thought that your daughter made them in her preschool class.
What’s your favorite holiday disaster/memory?