1) Make sure that your child’s lunch is occasionally a mish-mash of random leftovers from your fridge. NEVER under any circumstance prepare lunch the night before to ensure a well balanced meal that might make you look like you have a clue what you are doing.
2) Refrain from noticing the dozens of reminders for the scheduled school “Spirit Day”. So, when you walk in and every single other kid is wearing a red shirt, have your kid wearing a Yellow Minnie Mouse dress. You didn’t forget, you just wanted to promote individuality.
3) Always forget that it is your day to bring snacks until the second you pull into the school parking lot. After you run to the nearest grocery store and frantically search for a snack, vow that on your next assigned snack day you will bring an elaborate Pinterest inspired snack creation. Forget about your vow and repeat frantic last minute grocery store run next month.
4) Get so behind on laundry that occasionally your child shows up in such a ridiculously mismatched and absurd outfit that even Lady Gaga would give it a thumbs down.
5) Consistently run 10 minutes late and therefore interrupt “morning song circle” on a regular basis. The teachers really appreciate it, I swear.
If these 5 ways don’t secure your spot as the most mediocre mama, try #6…
6) Make sure that you arrive to pick up/drop off in a uniform of sunglasses, yoga pants, flip flops and a ponytail. A toothpaste stain on your shirt is optional.