Ahhhh the holiday season is here. Holiday music, gifts, parties, caroling, Santa, delicious treats, Eggnog. It truly is the “Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”…in theory. In reality I am a woman juggling a full time job, a hectic household and raising a daughter who is approaching the Terrible Two’s. My car does not have Reindeer Antlers, there is no blow up Santa in my front yard and my house is an disastrous eclectic mishmash of random Santa figurines and stray Turkey decorations that didn’t make their way back into storage yet. Once again, the holiday season has somehow managed to sneak up on me causing me to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat realizing that Christmas is only a week away. Now, I am left in a frenzy trying to fake my way through the role of gift wrapper/present buyer/cookie baker/card sender/party arranger. I am a Holiday Half Asser.
Holiday Half Asser Habit #1: Christmas “Cards”
11/25: “I’m going to set up a photo shoot of the family so I can make send out an adorable Christmas Card.”
12/04: “I’m going to get these cute Handmade Christmas Cards from the holiday market.”
12/10: “I’m going to go to Target and find some cute Christmas cards to send out.”
12/12: “Sh*t, I don’t have anyone’s address, maybe I’ll send out e-cards.”
12/20: “I don’t think I really have the time to get together all the email addresses I need.”
12/25: Facebook Status Update: Merry Christmas Everyone!!!
Holiday Half Asser Habit #2: Shopping or Lack Of It
There is no better feeling than being completely done with your holiday shopping by December 1st and being able to enjoy a stress/shopping free holiday season. Or so I hear….I am more of a last minute “find the online store that guarantees delivery before Christmas” type of gal. If that doesn’t work, people LOOOOVE homemade gifts. There’s no age limit for “Good For One Free Hug” coupons, right?
Holiday Half Asser Habit #3: No So Fabulous Gift Wrapping
Color coordinated wrapping paper bows and ribbons?? Not gonna happen.The closest thing to color coordinated in my house is when I am able to find a shirt and pair of pants with a similar colored stain. As I openly admitted, I am a Holiday Half Asser, my family is lucky that anything is getting wrapped. Sure it may not look picture perfect, but I’m just fine using kitchen scissors, whatever scraps of ribbon leftover from my daughter’s last birthday party(other people wrap really well) and whatever Green and Red colored roll of wrapping paper that was next to the checkout counter at Walgreens. At least I’m not using masking tape this year.
Holiday Half Asser Habit #4: Not So Neighborly Neighbor
Holiday Half Asser Habit #5: Saying No To That Creepy Ass Elf
Elf on the Shelf, I won’t even get into that whole thing. Let’s just say the only thing on my shelf is dust.
Holiday Half Asser Habit #6: Worst Treat At The Kid’s Christmas Party
Santa recently came to daycare and each parent was asked to sign up to bring something. In true half asser mode I was the last to sign up and was left with Greek Yogurt. Easy enough. Yeah, easy enough if I didn’t forget that I was supposed to bring something until I pulled into the daycare parking lot (ten) five minutes late. Fast forward through me racing to the nearest grocery store, spending 5 minutes debating with myself whether I should get Strawberry or Plain (who the hell cares?!) and then arriving wild eyed and messy haired to a party for 2-3 year olds. As if my morning wasn’t hectic and embarrassing enough, I had to walk past the String Cheese Wreath, Reindeer Celery Sticks and a Snowman Cake ( I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried) to set down my 24 oz container of store brand greek yogurt.
Holiday Half Asser Habit #7: Craft-less Christmas
I would LOVE if I was the type of mother who had the craftiness and patience to sit and make homemade Christmas decorations and ornaments with my daughter. In theory, a Glowing Milk Jug Snowman, Reindeer Ornaments and Recycled Pillowcase Finger painted Christmas Trees sound like an awesome idea. In reality I am left with a melting down child because I wouldn’t let her paint her face green like Shrek, my dogs eating the cotton balls that were supposed to be snowmen and glitter than will be embedded into my carpet until the end of time. I’ll leave the crafts to the trained professionals at daycare.
Holiday Half Asser Habit #8: Lame Christmas Morning Breakfast
I saw this mouth watering delicious looking stuffed french toast on Pinterest that I will not even be attempting to make on Christmas Morning. My family will instead be honoring my half Jewish roots and have a fabulous spread of assorted bagels and containers on cream cheese.
There may not be any chestnuts roasting on my fire and my advent calendar is like 2 weeks behind, but so what? What I lack in traditional holiday skills I make up for by listening to the Christmas music station 24/7, watching an obscene amount of Lifetime Christmas movies and drinking so much Starbucks holiday flavors that I should be partial owner. I know I can’t be the only one who has an half assed unconventional approach to the holiday season. Make me feel a little better, tell me how you guys half ass you way through the holidays!