I Have To Trick Them Both Into Eating Their Vegetables:
I Am In Charge Of Monitoring How Much They Drink From A Bottle:
I Have To “Perform” To Get Them To Smile In Pictures
Both my husband and daughter are pretty smiley people by nature. Unfortunately, when it comes to family picture time they both look like they are posing for a mug shot. In order to get a decent picture that doesn’t resemble a depressing family portrait from the 1800’s I have to make dumb faces, dance around and tickle the smiles out of them. By the time I finally finish my “act” I am disheveled, sweaty and annoyed. And THAT is why I look like shit in all of our family photos.
They Need To Be Dressed By Me
One of the two physically needs my help getting into their clothes. The other one thinks basketball shorts are appropriate attire in any situation. Can you guess who’s who?
I Am Their Maid
By 7:00pm Hurricane Arellano (aka my daughter and husband) have nearly destroyed my home, leaving not even a single square inch free of stuffed animals and basketball clothes. Unless I want my house to resemble an episode of Hoarders, that leaves me to be the maid…and not the sexy french kind with a cute outfit.
I Have Become Immune To Their Farts, Poop, Boogers and Bad Breath
I am one of those people who gets grossed out by EVERYTHING. I will gag/dry heave at the slightest hint of another human beings’ grossness. I think my mind/body secretly teamed up and somehow made me immune to the “unpleasantness” that comes along with my husband and daughter. Thank God, because nothing says “bad mom/wife” like a mother gagging when her daughter drools on her or outwardly cringes at her husband’s morning breath.
I Am A TV Limiting Nazi
If it weren’t for me my hubs and daughter would stare at the TV all day. Come to think of it, it’s a little odd that their favorite things to watch are pretty similar: hat wearing men with tight colorful outfits hopping around on screen. Wow, football players= DJ Lance.
Yeah, sure, taking care of two “children” can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but other times, these is nothing that makes me feel more complete than knowing there is two people on this planet that would be messy haired-mismatched-smelly-junk food eating slobs if it weren’t for my watchful eye.