My mom and I recently took Ella to play at one of the many splash pads in Scottsdale. I had had never seen or heard of a splash pad until I moved to Arizona, so in case you don’t know it’s basically just a play area for kids where water shoots up from the ground. I know it sounds pretty lame, but the kids go crazy for it. Anyway, as soon as we got there I kicked off my sandals, and started chasing Ella through the splash pad, while talking to her in stupid voices and yelling “I’M GONNA GET YOU!” Standing there giggling with Ella, my dress soaking wet, I noticed other mothers looking at me as though I just escaped from the loony bin. Sorry, but I’d rather spend my time hugging and playing hide and go seek than cutting crusts and organizing the diaper bag. This experience was yet another reminder of the differences between me and the “perfect mother”…
Perfect Mothers: Never risk the child’s development by even letting them near a tv for an extended period of time. If the child is allowed to watch tv it is strictly educational programs.
Perfect Mothers: A trip to the grocery store is done in an orderly manner, list in hand and planned out to be executed in the most efficient manner.
Crazy Mamas: Nothing makes my daughter laugh more than when I do a white girl rap…drop it like it’s hot…in the middle of the grocery store. Inappropriate? Yes (especially when I am aware that a granny is at the end of the aisle watching me wiggle my ass). Worth it? No doubt. The perfect moms have no idea the joy they are keeping from their kids.
Perfect Mothers: Are fully versed in every word, key change and movement for every classic children’s song and nursery rhyme.
Crazy Mamas: Do you know how much time and effort it takes to learn all the words to all the songs at the library sing-along-hour? Seriously, who knows what happens to Mary’s little lamb after she follows her to school?
a) That would be an insane use of my limited free time and
b) I much prefer to sing my own rendition about what happens to that Hickory Dickory Dock mouse after he falls of the clock.
Crazy Mamas: I’m lucky if I can find a matching pair of socks without holes in the toes to wear to the gym. My daughter already has an “eclectic” style. Something tells me that she will be the type of kid who insists on wearing a tutu and cowboy hat to school, which is totally cool with me.
Perfect Mothers: All baby items are cleaned, sanitized and are always put away in their proper place.
Crazy Mamas: Searching for the sippy cup full of rotten milk has become a fun pastime for me and my husband.
Crazy Mamas: Screw bows and barrettes… I’m more concerned making sure my daughter doesn’t have jelly in her hair before we leave the house.
My daughter may be a mismatched, messy haired little girl who is slightly addicted to Nick Jr., but she’s happy. And at the end of the day that’s really all that matters to me.