Apparently, I am a 16 year old girl. I thought I was a well adjusted 28 year old mother and wife. I guess I was wrong. Let me explain…It has started to bother me more and more that my daughter thinks she’s a dog (you can read more about that here) so I decided that the occasional library playgroup isn’t enough interaction with other kids. Seriously, she needs friends. I realized that she is getting older and she is going to start noticing if she is the only one under three feet tall swinging at the pinata at her birthday party. So, I did what any sane mother would do…obsess about it and stay up until 4:00am trying to find her a playgroup. Well, in Scottsdale everything has to be exclusive, so it’s no surprise that even though this particular club will revolve around drooling, crying and pooping, it damn well better be the BEST drooling, crying and pooping you’ve ever seen. I am currently waiting to find out if I was “accepted” into this group. So I’ve been sitting here all morning like a pathetic teenage girl in a poofy pink prom dress looking out the window trying to convince herself that she’s not being stood up, her date has just been stuck in traffic for the last two hours…
Maybe I’m not giving myself enough credit, I am a little more mature than that. I’m more like a 19-year-old who is pledging a sorority. Who do I need to impress? Will the Queen Bee think I’m cool enough? Am I pretty enough to be a Phi Beta Mama? Part of the pledging process for Mommy and Me Group consisted of a “Are You Cool Enough For Us” “Getting To Know You” survey. There were questions like:
What are you looking to gain from this group?
My daughter seeing that other kids don’t try to drink out of the dog bowl.
What do you think you can add to the group?
Ughhh, I have to add something?!
What kind of activities are you interested in?
Drinking wine and reality TV.
Rest assured, I edited myself and gave the standard “ideal mom” answers. I used words like enriching, blessing, angel, nurture…blah blah blah. I’ve let this become one of those things that I can’t stop thinking about. What the hell is wrong with me? I am a grown woman, I don’t need to prove my worthiness to anyone! Who am I kidding? I’ve been checking my email every hour on the hour to see if I “got in”. Hmmm….I wonder what hazing is like in mom sororities. I hope they don’t make me drink a bottle of old breast milk….