“Where’s the blood??!!”(ewww, I know) I scream to my husband for the 46th time this week after going to the bathroom. This is exactly the reason why men think women are so crazy. We bitch about our periods every month, but when it doesn’t come, we bitch about not having it. At this point, I’m not bitching, I’m crying. I want my period, I NEED it, I can’t even begin to let myself think about what not having it means. Who am I kidding though, of course I’m thinking/obsessing about it, every second of the last few days. I know what this means, I have been down this road before. I am the mother a beautiful 15 month old girl, Ella. She was a surprise to say the least, but hey I was ready for it. And now, 15 months later I am still waiting to be “ready for” raising a child. I always thought of myself as an extremely competent person, but apparently I was sadly mistaken, because when it comes to parenting, I am sadly a slow learner. Screw it, slow and steady wins the race and in the mommy race I am definitely the tortoise. As slow of a process as it has been, I was really starting to be comfortable in my mommy role. Don’t get me wrong my version of “comfortable” in my mommy role means 5 freak outs a day, rather than 15. There is absolutely NO way that I am ready for baby #2. I am not ready on so many levels!! I mean, as vain as it sounds, I am still trying to lose 20 pounds from my last pregnancy, if I get pregnant now I will be a disgusting blimp! More importantly, I don’t think I can emotionally handle having another baby right now. After Ella was born I was sad, I mean really sad. Call it exhaustion, baby blues, depression, whatever you call it, it’s all the same, it sucks. I feel like I am just beginning to come out of that very dark time. I feel like I am beginning to get through that, with the help of an amazing husband and supportive parents, I am beginning to feel like myself again. I resisted medication for months, but after feeling so low for so long, about a month ago I decided to give in and start popping some happy pills. I really think that they are helping, but I am terrified that now I am pregnant again and will have to go without any medication. WTF am I going to do?!? So, I sit and I cry and I stress and I yell at my husband and I wait and pray that I get my period. I’m so stressed, I’m ready to have a full on Britney Spears style meltdown. Has anyone else felt like this before? How do you prepare yourself for a second child when you are not ready?